She's Crafty, She Gets Around. She's Crafty, She's Always Down

I am a writer.
I love the way that sounds.
You are my reader.
I love the way that sounds too.

I am also a cook, a house cleaner, a daydream believer. A chauffeur, a go-fer, a queen in my dreams and a woman of means, though I really have no idea what that means. I'm a baby-raiser, a roof-raiser and a hell- raiser too. I'm a wife and a lover and sometimes an angel under the covers. I'm a friend in deed, if you're a friend in need. I'm a yogini who makes a mean martini. Okay, that's enough. I could go on all day but I think you get the picture.

I can't be pigeon-holed. Impossible. I'm not a pigeon. I'm not even a bird. I can, however, give the middle finger and call it the bird. I have been known to let that bird fly, high. And for the times that one bird just won't do, I have a pair.

The list of name tags I've worn over the years is as long and diverse (and to some, perverse) as the day is long. As the sum of all of my experiences I would not change a thing and those who know me well really wouldn't have me any other way. Especially those that that end up with my creations after a day in my craft corner. See for yourself...

This is the "diaper cake" I made for my god child. Three tiers of rolled-up diapers held secure by flannel blankets and velvet ribbon. Adorned with two pairs of bunny slippers and one pair of patent leather shoes. Topped with a "My Melody" stuffed bunny that I loved so much I didn't want to give it away. The photo really doesn't do justice to this labor of love and frankly every time I look at it all I can see is the God-awful wallpaper that covered both my kitchen and dining room before we remodeled. Hideous, huh? Moving on...

  This is the wreath I made for my sweet-souled sister last year. I used a marabou boa wrapped around a styro-foam form. I had an idea of what I wanted when I went to the craft store but when I found that red peacock I did a happy dance and realigned my vision to include it. What worked once was worth doing twice. Enter Dani does wreaths version 2.0...

               I gave this one to a girlfriend whom I love more than all the partridges and pear trees, ever.

I don't always give away that which I create. That would suck. Occasionally I keep the magic I create and then I hang it around my neck and wear it out on the town....

Pretty, right? What you can't see in this photo is the dark blue embroidery around the just-past-the-knee hem. The necklace is peppered with vintage glass beads that belonged to my grandmother and whimsical charms I reused from another necklace my sister gave me as a gift. Now that I think about it I did give this away. Actually I left it at my sister's house, in LA. No, don't send it back Jaime, I'll come get it. Soon.







 

Who do you think you are?

Throughout the course of my formative teenage years my mother's favorite question was, "Who the hell do you think you are?" How exactly is one meant to respond to that?  Furthermore, was I really supposed to know? Failed attempts at answering resulted in a variety of responses. Among them: my being sent to my room (or running for cover, it's all about perspective), being grounded, her telling my dad, my phone privileges being revoked and once ended with a vintage, ten pound iron sticking out of the wall. My cat-like reflexes prevented bodily harm. I was a smart ass. Through the eyes of the mother I now am, I see how I could have single-handedly driven her to the brink of insanity. Genetics, a chemical imbalance, substance abuse and  poor planning helped her complete the trip after I left home.

As a grown woman I am far more sure of myself. I think I have a pretty firm grip on who I am, what's important to me, what makes me tick. She doesn't ask anymore but if she did this is what I would say,
"I don't know it all, like you said I thought I did, but these twenty-five things I know to be true. They may not define me as a whole but being a sum of all of my parts, it's a good start."

(In no particular order)


1. I don't believe in coincidences, everything happens for a reason.

2. I have a lifelong secret crush on Kenny Rogers. I can sing "The Gambler" by heart. "You never count yer money when yer sittin' at the table...they'll be time enough for countin' when the dealin's done..." Okay, stop laughing. I also know "The Devil Went Down to Georgia" and "Sweet Home Alabama."

3. There is a good reason I was a dancer and not a singer.

4. The last birthday present my Daddy bought me was a guitar. I promised him I'd learn to play it.

5. If I were a doll my accessories would be: a yoga mat, a pair of fairy wings and a can of "kick ass."

6. My sweet-souled sister has been my best friend our whole lives. Jaime is an inspiration and all round quality human being. I adore her and miss her beyond words.

7. I have unfinished business with a few people in my life, amends to be made, truths to be told, responsibility to be taken. I am a work in progress.

8. Being a good mother is an enormous responsibility I take very seriously. My children inspire and humble me every day. I would fight a Grizzly bear for them...and win.

9. Nine is my lucky number.

10. I don't own a cat, she owns me. She sleeps with my sweet baby Jake every night. I have a dog that owns me too. I didn't really even like dogs with the exception of my snorting, wheezing, farting, dearly departed Pomeranian, "Emily." (May she rest in peace.) but somehow Coco, my chocolate lab has endeared her eighty five pound ass to me to the extent that I no longer find myself threatening a rehoming. I can't imagine not tripping over her while trying to cook dinner. She's a crafty one, that Coco.

11. I'd rather be Velma than Daphne.

12. I am not short. I am not petite. I am "fun sized" dammit. In a parallel universe I am 5'10" and built like Wonder Woman. I had a roommate like that once upon a time. I miss her.

13. I am writing a book about a really crazy time in my life and hoping the proceeds will spring me from the middle of this corn field.

14. I left my heart in San Francisco and will always call "the city" my home.

15. The first time I ate Wasabi I thought it was avocado and being with a kitchen full of people I thought were WAY cooler than I was I choked it down rather than look like an ass. I was going on "better to just appear like a dork than open my mouth and prove it." Eventually, they all knew me for what I was, takes one to know one...you may have been there.

16. I taught myself to crochet. Now I'm working on peeing standing up. JUST kidding.

17. Sometimes people tell me I'm funny. That's good, right?

18. I am married to a man who really knows me...and still loves me. I had the word "Angel" inscribed inside his wedding band because I truly believe he saved me, more than once.

19. I'm a joker, a stroker and a midnight toker.

20. If I ever run away I'm going to become a lavender farmer who raises miniature goats.

21. When I am lucky enough to catch the opening of "Ellen" I ALWAYS dance with her.

22. I have seen a full rainbow over Mt. Fugi from the bullet train.

23. I know what pride tastes like.

24. I make a mean meatloaf, drink the juice left in the pickle jar and recycle everything I possibly can.

25. I am well rounded. If you need proof just look at my ass.